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Attending a Birth

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So anxious, but excited at the same time. I miss my baby cat at home so much, we were sleeping together all day. Surprisingly, I made spaghetti today. I hate spaghetti soo much but I was missing it badly. Idk how to explain it. I made a big pan of it too. Now, I'm craving stove top lasagna. To my shock, I've been cooking everyday. When I was living with someone, I didn't cook. I was so uncomfortable and exhausted all day that I just wanted to lay in bed and do nothing. Now.... since being alone, life is better. It was a really sad ordeal, but it's over now. I saw online that Eve was having a book signing and now I want to go to someone's book signing. I think I would really enjoy that.
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Attending a Birth at 12AM

I've been waiting on the little baby to come since 5 AM today. I am so excited to meet her. This birth might not be too long, but we'll see. However long it is, it's an honor to be attending.
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She's Getting So Big!

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Poetry

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I wrote this for one of my friends some years back... This is the sweetest thing ever. I don't know why I doubt my poetry when it's so beautiful and well-written.
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I Was Sexually Assaulted on Monday

I hate what happened on Monday. A recurring them in my life is sexual abuse/sexual assault. I could do everything in my power to avoid it, and it still keeps happening to me. On Monday, I met someone. I wasn't really attracted to this person, but I thought it would be ok to hang out with them in a public place. I let it be known, beforehand, that I'm not really interested in being intimate and to please honor that. They said they would but once we got alone (yes, we were still in public) they forceably kissed me and tried to finger me. He tried to dig into my pants and we were fighting each other to get his hands away and I said "no". He said relax and I said "No, I don't want that" where we continued to fight until he gave up. I let things cool down so that he wouldn't follow me home, and then I left. I feel so gross inside. I HATEEEE when people try to kiss me, get away from me. It's so disgusting. It's so selfish. It's so weird. It
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Come So Far…

To think that I came all the way from College Park and I was modeling in NYC just hit me this morning. (It's 6 am right now) What is little Nicole doing in NYC? I am the youngest of 10, so I'll always be baby. Sometimes it's surreal that I've come so far. From the bruises of my father to the abandonment of my mother... to a mother contract in London. Slowly it's starting to hit me. Even though I've been here for 5 years, it doesn't feel like it. Booking that one way ticket was something that I'll always be proud of. Yesterday was NOT a good day for me. I had so much heavy on my mind and on my heart... In a perfect world, I should be able to let go and move on. We do not live in a perfect world. I do not have the perfect life. Those are priviledges that I'll never succumb to. It was so bad for me that I wanted to block everyone out of my phone. (I blocked some people) I wanted to disappear. I wanted to turn my phone off and start over. I wanted to g
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I am so excited about the books I ordered from my school. Books are my happy place.
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