Increase In Meds

 I finally found that book that I read and really loved but couldn't find. It was 'Educated' by Tara Hanover. One of the best books I ever read. I just came back from walking Bexie and I'm about to get ready for the shoot tomorrow. I have no idea what I'm going to wear. It's at 10:30 am. So, I went to therapy and talked to the psychiatrist today. I told him how it's hard for me to cook and grocery shop and he decided to increase the bupropion to 300mg. They still don't know if I have schizophrenia or major depression, which makes me so anxious because I want to know what's going on with me as soon as possible. But.. we have to wait. They're talking about decreasing the resperidone which makes me nervous because I don't want to start hearing voices again. So, they said they'll do it slowly until I can be completely off of it. I really want to be healed from my depression... The suicidal thoughts have gotten SO much better. At one point, I couldn't even get through the day. Now I can get through the day, I just need to work on my eating habits and getting back to cooking 2/3 times a day like before. The resperidone made me gain so much weight, and the bupropion is said to make you lose weight. So, once I'm off the resperidone, maybe I can go back to the weight that I'm most comfortable with. I'm trying to find books that I like. I feel like I've read so much. I found some free books about the law of attraction that I'm reading. I'm still chanting everyday. But it takes time to see the effects. I set the lock/home screen as one of the dreams I want to manifest so I'll keep an eye out on that. But overall, everything is so much better. I feel greater. Everything's not so scary anymore like it was before. I can feel my healing. Today I took a nap from 4:00-7:30. I'm going to pray and chant that the shoot tomorrow goes well and I'm going to pray for my career....