 I received so much great news today!!! Reading my bible and praying with my prayer book really works miracles. First of all, I got accepted for section 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I'm considered disabled, I was considered a case worker and they approved my application. Inspections are soon, I'm actually filling out the voucher today. I am so excited. Everybody that knows me knows I work hard to have my own things and now I can afford to relax a little and focus on school. This is great for me because it'll help when I'm in nursing school. I'll be able to focus on clinicals and keep my GPA up. Right now, I'm doing really good in school. Which I'm happy about it. I'm getting so much better about taking care of myself. At night, I decided to drink some tea and honey just to calm me down. I think that will be a ritual I'll try to do every night. I'm thinking about whether I want to work or not anymore, because I really don't have to. But I also don't want to be at home, annoying my boyfriend all day. He doesn't mind but I don't want us to both go crazy. So, I'm looking at programs at the Bayonne Library to join and I've definitely been thinking about going to the gym, doing pilates, etc. This is such a breath of fresh air because I can finally get some rest after all the trauma I went through. Having a mental illness is not fun and not receiving the adequate care for it really hinders your life. So, I'm thankful that I'm FINALLY getting some help after all these years of struggling. Whether it's rain, snow, thundering, sick, disabled, whatever.. I still go to work. That was how I was raised. No matter how bad I feel, I clock in. That has paid off in some ways but it's time for me to take a step back and think about my health. School is so much more important than a job, if I'm being quite honest. School has appointed me so many cool opportunities throughout my whole life. I wanna stick with it and get my masters in nursing. That is my main goal right now and that's what I've been praying for.
I really want to surprise my boyfriend and learn his language. He's Yoruba. I'm trying to see if there's like a tutor or some classes I can take to learn Yoruba. It's honestly my favorite language and I love the way it sounds. It sounds so angelic to me. The only word I can say in Yoruba is "Ifemi" which means "my love", I only know that word because he's always calling me that. The barrier I think I have is that I'm American and I definitely have an American accent. I love that language and I've always loved Yoruba people. I've been keeping my eye on Nigeria for awhile because I want to live there. Maybe when I finish school? I can be a travel nurse and work here and then have a nice home in Nigeria. My boyfriend is from Ikeja. I'm striving to be a CRNA and possibly join a union where they pay upwards of 100k/month on important projects. With that, I can have a nice home in Nigeria and live well. Eat well. Take care of my family and finally get away from all the trauma in my life. It'll be a new beginning for me leaving this country. I'm not sure what's going on but my boyfriend's family wants us to marry. In both Nigeria and America. I'd love to be Nigerian, it would be an honor honestly. But not right now.... I'm still in recovery and I just don't want to rush anything. I know myself and I know my limits. Right now, that may be too much for me. I want to enjoy my own space but of course I love my boyfriend to death. They're my family now. But I want to be careful, marriage is a lifelong commitment and I don't want anyone to be hurt. But we'll see! I atleast need to get officially diagnosed with all my mental illnesses first by a good doctor. Alot of my mental illnesses are "on the spectrum" but they can't say for sure if I have it. Which I think is a bunch of bullshit and I want a new doctor who knows what is going on with me. I deserve to know.
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