Ok so I've been busy busy busy! With school and work, it's been insane. But I have GREAT news. I got accepted into the nursing program at my school!!! It's so crazy because last year, around this time, I just got out the psych ward with no money, no plan, and I was two months behind on my rent (about to get evicted). I am in such a better space this year. And no psych ward visits this whole year! Which is such a big accomplishment considering I was always calling the suicide hotline and having to be on suicide watch. I am doing so much better! That medicine that I was taking for my psychotic break made me gain over 100+ pounds. From there, I was having health issues such as protein in my urinalysis, my bones were inflamed from all the weight, and pre diabetic. Since December, I lost about 70+ pounds and I'm coming back to my self. I have all a's in school (finals are next week, so fingers crossed that I keep my 4.0 up). I feel so much better. I think my schizophrenia is more environmentally based and because I was in an abusive environment (abusive relationship, abusive job), I broke really bad. So bad that it was considered a chronic case. But, as of today, I'm doing alot better. I am thinking about applying for disability. Considering my mental health, I don't know if I'd be ok working full time and doing nursing school, I might break (and I DONT want that). So, I'm looking into disability rn. I know it takes a while to get approved for it, so I should do it as soon as I talk to my therapist today. My favorite babies are coming next week for my birthday! My niece and nephew are coming to spend my birthday with me. They're my favorite people in the whole world. I've really been taking care of myself. I just feel like going to the doctor and dentist were like luxuries to me. Now I go so often and I'm always taking care of my mental health. I wouldn't say I'm HAPPY, but I'm GRATEFUL. And I will never say it's easy, but it's getting better. My plan is to become a CRNA. So, 2 years of nursing to get my RN, a year of intense care, 1 year bridge program for my BSN, and then 2 years of masters to receive my CRNA certificate. A CRNA is a certified registered nurse anesthesiologist. When I accomplish that, I'm going to help my sister with the kids and their college funds and housing. I'm also going to help my best friend with my god son Allister. I'm so happy that I have a god son. He's the cutest baby. I have soo much planned. I'm terrified of nursing school! Absolutely terrified. But I'm going to get on disability to help so I can focus on school and keep my 4.0 up. Once I get my CRNA license, I'm actually thinking about going to law school to become a defense attorney. So much going on and today is honestly a busy, busy day but I've been wanting to write for awhile. My brother's anniversary was on February 27th and it was hard for me. I miss him so badly.... I wish he was here. I wish so many things, but I know that I have to go on without him. But I will NEVER forget him and how much we loved each other. Every year, I always get sick on his anniversary because I want to be with him instead of on Earth. I hope I don't sound crazy when I say that. But that is how much I loved my brother and how close we were. It's hard to move on when someone is such a big part of who you are and where you come from. No matter where I go.... I'll always remember where I come from, how hard it was for us in College Park, and how much I had to sacrifice to get my own place in New Jersey. So hard, so tough, so many long nights, so much hard work, so many hours on the job... but I am here. Doing the absolute best I can, trying to stay sane and submit all my school work early. So excited to see my babies, they remind me of me and Sid growing up <3 His cremation date is either on my birthday or very close to it (I honestly don't remember), so my birthday is always hard for me. I'm happy they're coming to spend time with me. So happy....
Comments
Post a Comment