If You're Ever Wondering What Schizophrenia Is Like...

It's like there's nobody else out there but you. Reading spiritual books honestly makes that feeling worse. It's a scary feeling. You almost feel in control of the world (yes I know it sounds 'crazy') because you ARE the world. I have had three very bad schizophrenic breaks in my life and my first break was the scariest. I looked nothing like myself, I was unrecognizable. Everything I'd eat would come back up. I was so skinny. I think I lost like 100 pounds in just a few months. I wouldn't wish schizophrenia on anyone. I've been hearing voices since I was young. I told my parents about it but they told me to just ignore it. I did that pretty well until about puberty. Now that I've experienced years of DV and gaslighting, it's gotten a bit worse. I can ignore it most times and my meds help with that, but I still struggle. Sometimes when I talk to people, I just hope that they're real people and I'm not just talking to myself. How do I know that they're real? How do I know when not to laugh? It is the weirdest phenomenon to talk to someone and realize you've been talking to yourself the whole time. It is such a strange, surreal, supernatural feeling. Like I said, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's mindboggling. It's like the whole world is watching you. Like someone's out to get you at all times.