Not Getting Any Sleep/Surviving 3 Suic*ide Attempts in One Year

It's been a rough few months for me honestly. I've been sick on and off, which is expected with 6 disabilities. I can't sleep right now, I'm only getting about 2-3 hours of sleep at night even with the help of melatonin. I have so many things triggering me right now that it's hard on me. As I thought about the past, I realized that I've had 3 attempts in just one years time that all led to hospitalizations. As I think about that, it makes me so sad sometimes. In those moments, I felt so alone. So hopeless and felt like nobody cares about me anyways. My lowest points. When people ask me how I'm doing, I always lie and say "all is well", but in reality it is so so hard for me. Hard for me to think, breathe, eat, bathe myself, love myself, talk to people, be around people... Living in general is just so hard on me. I am not s******* as of today, but I am a bit disappointed in life. I miss my brother and grandma so much, they were my rock. Without them, most days I feel like I have nothing. Like Tupac said, what do you do when your superhero dies? I think the correct answer is that you become a superhero yourself. To me, that sounds corny. It also isn't an easy feat to be a superhero which makes me admire my grandma and brother so much. They survived alot of things on their own and left so much behind. I'm not s*******, but I am struggling with my will to live. What is the point of all of this when I have nothing? What is the point of all this after multiple r*pes and sexual ass*ults? I try to talk to therapists, but it just makes it worse. I feel like nobody understands the pain that I went through and the horrible things that I've had to survive. I'm up early because I had a nightmare about my dad. In the nightmare, my dad beats me until I scream "Help me! Help me!" and I run outside. I, then, scream and knock on my neighbors door for help. That dream made me really sad. It made me realize that I should've asked for help when my dad was hitting me and ass*ulting me, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what to say or put it into words. Who was going to believe me anyways? When I have nightmares, it really makes me anxious and sad. While it's happening, I always try to stop it because I'm so scared about what's going to happen next in the dream. It's a very traumatizing experience that I can't really help. I did find some websites though while I was up. They are websites about surviving sui*cide. https://afsp.org/blog/ After fajr today, I'm going to read some of the stories and get some inspiration. Just from the home page alone, it looked very informational and had alot of great resources, books, and blog posts.