I Find Myself....

As I grow in this healing journey, I find myself becoming less and less angry. I find myself having more understanding of things and how they come about. With this, I have peace. What I'm working on now is living in the present moment. It's something that's always been hard for me as the past haunts me and the future intimidates me. It's like I'm always living life in survival mode. I'm always worrying. As of today, there's a lot less worry and more understanding. More maturity. I no longer hold on to people and things that don't serve me, there's no need to. I believe that I held on to people so close to me because feelings of desperation, anxiety, and lack thereof. There is no lack in this world, only abundance. Living in a spirit of lack leads to dissatisfaction always. Having a spirit of expectation, leads to disappointment always. I no longer find myself reaching out to others. I don't need to, I have myself to hold on to. I have life. I realize that my love is so strong that it transcends all situations, wrongdoings, and hurt. No matter how much someone hurts me, I will never stop loving them. That doesn't mean that I allow abuse, no. That doesn't mean I don't protect myself, no. It means that I have a forever understanding of them. It doesn't mean that everyone is allowed in my life freely, no. Boundaries are important when you love someone. For me, it means that the anger after the hurt disappears and what remains is love. Compassion. No pride. Love has no reason and this is what I'm learning. It comes and it goes. You have to appreciate the intensity of it in that moment because you never know what will happen next. At this point in my life, I am appreciative. I am even appreciative of the hurt and the pain because it taught me so much.