Hitting 5,000+ Views

Wow! I hit 5,000 views on my blog today. I have a very small blog, but I'm grateful for it. I get to express how I feel without someone telling me what to say, how to say it, what not to say, etc. I can just be myself. I can just be free. One thing that I wished and pondered on when I was a child was freedom. Being free from my sexually abusive father, being free from abuse, being free from Georgia, and being free to be me... Sometimes I still struggle with that sense of being free and I still experience abuse and even most recently. But I'm working on it! I am working on being free from abuse and I am taking the necessary steps to remove myself from it. I can't really talk about the recent abuse that I've experienced that led to a restraining order and pressing harrassment charges but I can say that I'm doing the best that I can in every way. I am trying not to let people walk all over me anymore. Take me for granted. I've had people take a lot from me... One situation that I'm proud of overcoming was when my ex raped me with his friends. I don't really ever talk about that situation too much because I've been accused of lying and making it up. And also because it's really not peoples fucking business that something like that happened to me. That's something very personal to me. My ex lured me over to his house so that I could meet his mother by Redan high school, which is ways away from College Park where I lived. He said his mother wasn't home and told me to wait for her with him at his Uncle's house. I was 15. He then persuaded me to drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and that's when everything went downhill. His uncle who was twice my age kept asking me have I ever let anyone run a train on me and I said no. And that's when they took advantage of me while I was drunk and defenseless. It was the most humiliating thing I have ever been through besides living with my dad when he used to molest and beat me and record it. Life can be so so humiliating and the things that you witness and go through can change the shape of your spirit and who you are. As of today, I am doing much much better. Just the thought of that situation used to make me cry out so bad. I was truly hurt by my ex boyfriend. I never thought he would do something like that to me or anyone for that matter. I don't cry anymore because it happened like I used to. I actually don't cry about it at all. I know that I was a victim now when there was a time that I felt like I was the perpetrator in that situation. I was a baby doing the best I could. On a more POSITIVE note, I am happy that I have this blog to share my experiences. I am happy that I am still here, when there's so many days I long to be elsewhere. 5,000 views may not be alot to some, but it's everything to me <3