I Always Get Sick Near the Anniversary

I'm trying to contemplate whether I will go to the psych ward or not this year. I'm definitely not feeling my best... I always forget how it feels every year around this time. It feels so horrible and so anxiety inducing. It feels like everything has fallen on my shoulders and I can't get up. It's been hard for me to brush my teeth, cook, wash dishes, shower, answer the phone... Everything has been hard. It's usually like this until after my birthday and then I get a bit better. I hate my birthday so much. Sidney was cremated towards my birthday so I have all these bad memories on that day. I feel so old now. I'm turning 24 this year! That's so weird. I literally remember when I was 16 years old and how much I went through in Atlanta living in my mother's attic. Sometimes I want to go back to simpler times and then I remember how stressful those times were and how hard they were on me. I'm proud of myself for staying in school despite everything that's been going on. That's a feat within itself.