Resting...

I decided I wasn't going to class today because Sidney's anniversary is tomorrow. Well, my teacher actually cancelled class so now I don't have to worry about missing anything. I was a little worried about my grade because I think if I miss class, I get points off my participation grade. I've been resting so much. I honestly haven't been feeling my best. I told my psychiatrist that I'm struggling eith suicidal tendencies and he upped my meds. Right now I'm on vraylar, prosazin, and setraline. Hopefully I start feeling better soon. I really think that my symptoms exacerbate because I'm always on my own. I have this feeling that I can't trust anyone, rightfully so, and so I stick to myself. It has its good side of being on my own, but also I long for a family sometimes. I don't want kids, but I do wish I had someone I could call home. I've never really had that in my relationships. When I got married, I thought we would be together forever and I'm still very heartbroken that I had to ultimately file for divorce. Just like with grieving, divorce takes time to get over. You have to rest and take care of yourself. Marriage is a major life change and divorce is a major life change. They change the course of your life forever.