How I'm Feeling

Tomorrow is my 24th birthday and I feel old lol. I remember when I was 19 years old and I just moved to New Jersey. I was so young omg. I really admire my tenacity at that time. Since then, I have accomplished many things. I always wanted to be signed overseas and I am! I just signed my contract in London, I just have to send them a list of agencies that I want to work with in NYC. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but we'll see. Like I said in my last post, my birthday always gets ruined by someone. So, I'm very anxious. But, this time, I am spending my birthday with someone who cares about me and that's new for me. Last year, I spent it with my sister/niece/nephew and it meant so much to me. They bought me gifts which is so sweet. I love my sister alot. I've always loved my sister, brother, and mom. We were a team. In so many ways, I feel like my father destroyed that and took that away from us. I try not to talk about my brother too much because it's personal, but my birthday has always been different without him. Him being cremated around my birthday put a damper on my birthday and has contributed to my mental health challenges around my birthday. This year, I haven't been to the psych ward despite everything that's been going on and I'm proud of myself. I have been taking my medicine and haven't really been smoking. Smoking when not taking my meds exacerbates my symptoms, but I haven't been smoking. I probably won't smoke again also considering it's haram. So yeah... That's what's been going on. I have had some really bad days lately, but I'm trying to take things day by day.