If I Die Tonight...

If I die tonight...
Will I catapult as a mysterious enigma who shaped the world with her words
Or will I be as miniscule as an ant
Easily crushable and forgotten over time

If I die tonight...
Will my published poems touch the lives of millions who've never heard of me
Or will the world continue on.. Never acknowledging my heart and will to live after atrocity

If I die tonight...
Will I be the superstar that I finally always dreamed of
The superstar that I prayed about when my dad used to sneak into my room
The superstar that I can almost touch... almost taste... but never officially got the breakthrough to be...
Will it come in my death
Or will I fall out of grace and have the ones who turned on me be seethed with relief

If I die tonight...
Will it all be worth it
Will I reach a heaven with open arms
Or will I fall into a dark abyss that leads to nowhere
Free falling as Allah has deemed me unfit for his graces

If I die tonight...
Will the ones who hurt me be filled with sadness and pain
Or will they be filled with solace knowing that they broke my soul into pieces

If I die tongiht...
Will I be perceived as an angel
Or will I be perceived as a demon.. the one that my ex told me I was

If I die tonight...
Will the ones that ridiculed me and tormented me feel a tinge of culpability
Or will they go on throughout their day feeling great about their decision to abase me

If I die tonight...
Will I finally be loved
Will I finally be seen
Or will I remain the forgotten daughter..the forgotten little sister..the forgotten student..the forgotten caregiver..the forgotten lover.. that I have always been

If I die tonight...
Will people hang onto my words like the first time they read their favorite book
Or will my words be named trivial by audience
No hold on the world
No meaning to anyone
Just all a waste of effort by me

If I die tonight...
Will I finally be good enough
Good enough to be loved by the world for who I am and all I went through
Or will I be another obliterated story of what could've been

If I die tonight...
Will I finally be a world-renowned writer
Or will I remain as insignificant as the garbage placed by homeowners in the streets

If I die tonight...
Will it all have been worth it
The incest.. the gang rape.. the ridicule..
Or did I suffer baselessly
Living a life filled with dejection and wretchedness disproportionately