School Update

So, I changed my major AGAIN. First, I enrolled in school in 2022 as a nursing major and literally could not wait to be a nurse. Then, I enrolled in school to be a medical biller/coder. NOW, I just officially changed my major to environmental science. I've been looking up what I can do with an environmental science major and I see positive things, but I'm still a little anxious about getting a job. To be honest, with the way my health is going, I don't know if I can ever work again. My doctor said I have a low prognosis, so who knows if I'll ever be able to work a job. I truly don't know. The abuse I've endured and the things I've seen have been so life-altering and traumatic... I don't know how much I can take anymore. Originally, I have always wanted an Africana studies major, but the schools that are in my reach don't offer that major. I, recently, was rejected out of all the schools I applied for that offered that major, so that may have to be something that I look into later in life. Lately, I have been researching psych ward abuse and have been traumatized about my time spent in the psych ward... The abuse, the laughing, the bullying from the nurses, the screaming, being sedated... Such a traumatic experience for me on top of everything that I've already been through. When I get sick, I have nowhere to go. I can't go to the hospital because they'll drug me and lock me down... Some days, I truly just don't know what to do other than try my best to keep going. I wish there were safe spaces for the mentally ill, but unfortunately, that is just not how the world is today. They don't care about the mentally ill. They don't understand mental illnesses and the impact that lasts for a life time. They don't understand how real and scary mental illness is. Most days, I feel alone in this battle against schizophrenia. I feel like nobody understands and I can never say how I really feel. I can never exist in my illness. I have to hide who I am and how I feel to make everyone else comfortable/happy. I feel like I'm living a life of alweays being misunderstood. It's such a lonely journey... The schizophrenia group that I was in helped alot, but the facilitator of the group got sick and had to be hospitalized.