I Was Sexually Assaulted on Monday

I hate what happened on Monday. A recurring them in my life is sexual abuse/sexual assault. I could do everything in my power to avoid it, and it still keeps happening to me. On Monday, I met someone. I wasn't really attracted to this person, but I thought it would be ok to hang out with them in a public place. I let it be known, beforehand, that I'm not really interested in being intimate and to please honor that. They said they would but once we got alone (yes, we were still in public) they forceably kissed me and tried to finger me. He tried to dig into my pants and we were fighting each other to get his hands away and I said "no". He said relax and I said "No, I don't want that" where we continued to fight until he gave up. I let things cool down so that he wouldn't follow me home, and then I left. I feel so gross inside. I HATEEEE when people try to kiss me, get away from me. It's so disgusting. It's so selfish. It's so weird. It's so creepy. Kissing means alot to me. I don't just kiss everyone. I don't just let anyone into my space, no. I blocked him and he called me 10 times from a different number begging to come over. I hate having company over (for safety reasons, etc) and it was just too much for me. He apologized and said that he got carried away... Everyone that knows me, knows that I HATE (AND I MEAN HATE) apologies. Just get away from me. Immediately. And leave me alone. You did what you did at the expense of how I felt. You violated me. You assaulted me. You hurt me. Words can't even explain how I feel right now. I am beyond triggered. I am beyond upset. I want to cry, but I can't. The tears won't even form. I am appalled that this person would ever think to invite themselves over my house. Are you out of your mind? Are you crazy? The worst part is that fingering actually hurts me so bad because of the scar tissue from the injury(s) that I have from the sexual abuse of my father. I do not like being fingered. At all. Never did. Even when I'm comfortable with someone, it hurts me and makes me want to cry. I don't like it. If he would've grabbed my boob, I would've still been upset but trying to literally go inside my pants in a public place is just insane to me. It's entirely too much. The days after the event were the hardest for me. I kept thinking about the abuse of my father and all of my exes. I just hate when people do this to me, or anybody. It's so senseless. I'm still recovering right now and trying to take it easy.