Sadié Sidney

One theme from "From the Extreme" that was prominent towards the end was forgiveness. I am a very forgiving person, but once you hurt me to a certain point, I no longer want to be around you. Emotional safety is important to me. I forgive. I let go. I move on. Does it still hurt? Yes. I think one thing I've had to learn is that just because I forgive someone, that doesn't make them worthy to come back into my life. That is something that I deeply struggle with. Why do I always go back? That's what hurts the most to me. Letting my guard down for someone to hurt me again. It's not even that I don't forgive that person, but I struggle with forgiving myself. I can be mean and cold to myself. I will say things like "How could you be so stupid?" "It's all your fault." I had to learn that, no matter what, it is not your fault if someone hurts you. It is your responsibility on how you handle and respond to it and that's something that I...

I love this book so much!!! It has bible scriptures in it and really talks about how the four abortions, cheating during marriage, and sexual abuse affected her. I can relate to her in so many ways. When I was cheated on in my marriage, I was beyond devastated. I was torn to peices. The most embarrassing part of it is that I took the person that broke me to pieces back. I allowed them to hurt me over and over and over again because I thought I deserved it. I felt like I was trying my best to maintain my marriage. I wanted my prince charming. Now when I think of my marriage... I am traumatized beyond repair. The lies, the excessive cheating, the abuse... all took an excessive toll on me but I'm grateful that I am healing. I am removed from the situation by God's grace. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wanted to give up. Not only did I want to give up on dating ever again, but I was pushed to the point where I wanted to give up on life entirely. I wanted to die. Th...

I think I was in 9th grade (14-15)

I'm so grateful that we have books. I feel an unexplainable closeness with the author. I hamg on to every word, every comma, every page.

So today there was an info session about studying in Spain. I was a little apprehensive about it, but I talked to one of my clients and she actually studied in Spain. I would love to go to Spain and study!!!! The culture, the food, the people.. It would be a dream come true. I am seriously considering it and I'm excited to start traveling the world and seeing things for myself.

I want to start enhancing my makeup skills and add a liquid liner. I also want some clear and brown eyelash gel.

I have to do a spiritual cleanse and I have a spiritual guide to help me. I'm a little nervous about it but it has to be done as I'm transitioning in my life. I also need to go to the spiritual shop on MLK to get some candles to successfully start the cleanse.

I'm so tired of school and these papers due every week! Although, this week they have an info session on studying abroad in Spain that I'll be attending.

in a place where I'm no longer upset. I'm in a place where I'm letting go and moving on gracefully.

I found this in my tagged pictures and I like it

I was kind of missing Atlanta and decided to see if my favorite shop (AfroCentric Network in the west end) still had my favorite fragrance. And they do!!!! I was so surprised and happy. For now, I just ordered vanilla. But I'm thinking about ordering chocolate and p.u.s.s.y.

I've been so busy with my doula work! At this time, I have 5 active clients and still taking on more clients. I've been working these overnight shifts and also still holding prenatals and birthing techniques during the day. Somehow surviving off of 3 hours of sleep! But I'm doing it. I want to be busy because I want to stay focused on my work, although I may take the month of December off. I was thinking to take a trip somewhere, but I'm so scared to leave my clients. I don't want them to go into labor without me.

I fasted for 3 days with no food (just water) because I was in such a horrible place mentally, financially, and spiritually. I was beyond broken. I fasted not really because I wanted to, but because I had to. All the food in my cabinets was expired and I had nothing left to eat. I had $12 in my bank account. I had a small breakthrough that resulted in me at least getting some food to eat. THEN I said let me fast one more time for a miracle. I fasted for one day and I received one of the biggest jobs I've ever received in my life. A huge check from my school was sent to me within that same week. I was able to go grocery shopping. I feel alot better. I've been focusing on myself which has helped produce miracles as well because I'm not distracted.

So, I've been working hard in all my classes and I have all a's! My introduction to sociology class was very demanding and I didn't think I would get an A in it, but I did! I was invited to a Dean's list dinner at my school, but I may be too tired to go. I got booked for a major doula job today and I start tonight! I am so happy and grateful. I haven't been feeling my best so that made me feel good. Work always makes me feel better, which isn't the best habit. But I'd rather be happy in my work, than to be addicted to crime or drugs. I've got a few births and prenatals coming up that I'm happy about it. Since I have this new doula work, I do need to figure out how I'm going to fit my school schedule into all of this. We'll see what I can do... I still have my eyes on Africana studies, but I don't think it's realistic to attend school in New York considering I reside in New Jersey. I've thought heavily about moving to New York, but...