New Month, New Everything

Today marks a new month. I'm a little anxious because the year is coming to an end and I still haven't met some deadlines/goals that I set at the beginning of the year. To be fair, I'm anxious about everything, at all times. But I do feel a change coming in me and my life... Yesterday I just wanted to write, but I didn't have much to say. I feel the same way today. I want to write but not sure how/what to say. I just got a new therapist because my old therapist was rolling her eyes and being disrespectful during our sessions. She would randomly bring up my ex husband cheating on me which I thought was weird, unnecessary, and triggering. She would also bring up topics that were sensitive and trigger me.. I just didn't see a positive future with her, so I let her go. My new therapist is interesting. She reassures me in many ways, which is good. I still have my guard up though... I like her approach on things, but if she triggers me or says disrespectful things, I'll let her go too. It just has to be that way for my emotional safety. Sometimes I get sad because I feel like there's nobody out there who can help me with all my disabilities and trauma. It's discouraging to have to let therapists go, even though I know people do it everyday. Sometimes you outgrow your therapist, they move on, or it just doesn't work out. That's life. Although it's a part of life, I at least want to find a therapist who I feel comfortable and trusting with. That's something I pray for.