Sadié Sidney

Ugh being special needs is a daily challenge. Especially when you "don't look special needs" (whatever the fuck that means when people say that). I know I "don't look" or "act" schizoaffective, but I certainly am and it's hard for me. I know I "don't look" or "act" special needs, but I certainly am. Having my first rape kit at 5 definitely contributed to my non-verbalism because I felt like everytime I told the truth, the police always came and questioned me. I was a little baby getting a rape kit. I didn't deserve that and my heart breaks for that super duper smart but special needs little girl who told her school her daddy was touching on her private area. My heart is so broken, I promise it is. But I try to stay strong for that little girl and I try to keep pushing on and not let anything get in between me and my dreams. But it's so hard. Yes, I got accepted into Princeton but I still couldn't call the pol...

They had so many pretty things at Marshalls! I love it in there. I have to restart my lab notebook, so I got a new comp book and highlighters at Staples. I took a walk when I got home. I didn't even know there was a Staples by me. It's located right by Hudson Mall. There is a buffet in the mall which I never knew. It's a hibachi/buffet. I really miss my childhood dog.... His name was Tubby.

I'm at the airport right now to visit my sister and I'm so so excited. I'm going to Tennessee. It's early in the morning and for some reason, I'm not tired. I have a lab report that I have to do so I'm a little stressed. And also, I've been thinking about going back to my old agency! I reached out to them and they told me to email the owner. I have so many feelings towards that... My abusive ex is signed to them so there's that, but they got me booked for so many beautiful jobs. I'm actually really excited to be in contact with them, but there just has to be boundaries in place to deal with my abusive ex. All my bills are paid on time and my credit score went up like 100 points, so I'm blessed rn. I ordered chicken tenders at the airport and I'm just waiting for them. I'm trying to decide what I want to listen to when the plane takes off. I miss my husband already..........

I constantly feel alone. All alone. And it's depressing to not have anyone to really understand you or what you're going through.

I got my doula license to practice as a doula. I am so so happy!!!

My hair is messed up for school :( I didnt have time to curl it. This is my breakfast at Princeton. I have class in an hour.

I have a doula assessment tonight at 6:30 pm and then I have school today. Hopefully I can go to the gym after.

I'm reading this book and it's making me so emotional... It reminds me so much of my childhood. My brother getting beat by my mom and I couldn't do anything about it except cry under my covers. When my dad made my brother strip and hit him, I couldn't do anything but cry for Sidney. Poor Sidney :(

I have really good news! I was on hold for Louis Vuitton in Paris!!!!! The bad news is that they chose another model, BUT the fact that Louis Vuitton even reached out to my agency is so cool. I pray that I get booked for a good job in Paris before the year ends.

I dont know what to do with the baby bird, but its so cute.

I changed my mind. I went to the botanical gardens instead of the Brooklyn museum.