Sadié Sidney

I passed all my classes at Princeton, even though I didn't get the grades that I desired :( I also finished Sinead O Connors book! I love love love autobiographies!! Next is Elizabeth Taylor's autobiography

This will be the hardest thing I ever do but I decided to focus on myself. All my life I have catered to the needs of my mother and father. As they were both very sick. Now that I've moved out, the caretaker in me won't leave my heart/soul. I'm always checking on everyone. I'm always paying for everything. I'm always calling/texting. It has to stop, it's not healthy. Everyone has direct access to me and it's not good for my mental health. I'm learning to not respond. I'm learning to be content with me :) Which is sooo hard. My whole life I dealt with my parents hitting me, sexually abusing me, telling me I'm a hoe, a bitch, a slut, humiliating me, and calling me stupid. I still flinch thinking about when my dad said I'm the dumbest person he ever met. Now that I'm not in that space anymore, I am so free. Free to love myself. Free to love my life. I am having my first birth soon as a doula so it's time to work on that. Time to love mys...

I had on two waist trainers because one of them had a glute lifter so I got a workout today. I was so tired. I made lamb nachos today and it was so good!

All my dreams are coming true and I cant believe it.

Finally at peace in my life. Nobody bothering me, nobody abusing me, nobody hitting on me, no weird people... Just me and my peace

I'm happy because I bought so many books today for my book shelf. I'm trying to fill in my whole book shelf with books. I also made some hair growth mix to put on my hair. It's a mixture of doo gro and chebe powder. Chebe powder is from Chad and it is what the women use to grow their hair. They have beautiful and long hair. The smell can be overwhelming for some but I love the smell. I am most excited about my hair growth. I cut my hair in January and it has grown 4 inches since then (I measured it). My hair grows about 1/2 an inch a month but I'm trying to get it to grow up to 1-1.5 inches a month with this hair mixture.

As the days go by, I am becoming more and more healed. Which I'm so proud of. I am moving forward!! I got alot of rest today. I met up with a friend from school last night and it felt so nice. We went to the antiterroism site in Bayonne.

I am absolutely in love with ceasar salads. Lately I've been working out as much as I can and my body looks so good.

I had a midterm today in Molecular biology.

https://www.fox5atlanta.com/video/1128269.amp My first boyfriend from fifth grade, Nathaniel Johnson, passed away. He passed away a few blocks down from my mom's house. I'm sad about it, to be honest. I wish people didn't die but it's apart of life, I guess. He was heavily involved in gangs, unfortunately. Where I'm from there's a lot of gang activity/violence and it's sad. I miss Atlanta but there is so much death and negativity there.

I had the worst night ever. I miss my favorite person in the world, my twin. My heart. My everything. My love. Having to identify him with a gun shot wound in his head was surreal. I thought I'd be ok one day, but I'm absolutely not ok without my best friend. He gave me so much purpose in my life and losing him was like losing my purpose. Over these past 4 years, I have tried everything to find that purpose again. But what I found was a cheating husband, my mother doesn't love me, and I've been in and out the psych ward. What a life to live... As I struggle to hang on, I try to remember the good times between us two and a smile filled with tears always appears. How do I live with a shattered heart? I am absolutely lost without my brother. I feel so alone everyday.