Sadié Sidney

I'm feeling and getting better so I'm thinking about writing again. I honestly have no idea what to say, where to start, or how to say it. BUT I'm inspired to say SOMETHING. Hopefully soon I can start writing again and have so much meaning behind my words... My first book was my best work that I've ever written.

updating my library

It is so so hurtful how Elizabeth had that procedure on her hymen due to her mother's wishes. My heart cried reading that.

I am in awe of Malala!!!! She is absolutely amazing. I cant wait to read her book. I'm going to go to etiquette school soon.

As someone who lives with 6 diagnosed disabilities and 1 undiagnosed disability, at times, I struggle to find my purpose/my way. I live with schizophrenia, bipolar I disorder, PMDD, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Every day that I live is a day that I've overcome. Having a rape kit at five years old because my biological father was molesting me altered my views on life in so many ways. I felt like I never had a chance. I felt like, at that moment, that little girl doesn't stand a chance in the world. How could she? How could she survive this? As I'm growing into a woman, I realized that I'm a survivor. That same father that molested me as a child also murdered my twin brother on February 27th, 2019 with a gun shot wound to his head. As I had to identify my twin with a gun shot wound in his head, I thought again.. "How can I survive this?" I miss my brother everyday and I try to make him as proud as I can. I know he's watching his little sister as I got acc...

Nicole Spearman Professor Garcia WRI 100 13 August 2023 Why Would You Kill Yourself When You Have Everything You Ever Wanted? You are so beautiful, why do you want to hurt yourself? These are questions that I get asked quite often. As someone who lives with 6 diagnosed mental disabilities and 1 undiagnosed mental disability, as you can imagine... Life can get very tough. The disability that presents itself the most in my life is my schizophrenia. The sleepless nights, the constant, uncontrollable screaming in my head, and the suicidal ideation is more than I can bare at times, BUT I’m still here. The precise research question that my thesis responds to is why are schizophrenics 170 times more likely to commit suicide than the general population? I have been researching schizophrenia since I first heard of it. I thought it was interesting as I met many people affected by the schizophrenic spectrum as I’ve volunteered at many homeless shelters. Schizophrenia can be hard to liv...

Focusing on myself hurts so much as I realize that, without my efforts, most people don't even seem to care. Like I said, it's not healthy for me to always be checking in on others and calling/texting all the time. So I stopped. I can admit that I'm now at a perfect peace, but I can also admit that it feels strange. It feels like the people that were surrounding me were superficial and only there due to my constant efforts. It just hurts so much to realize that most people won't even try to be there for me even after all I did for them. I guess that's life honestly. I just pray and chant that I can stay strong enough to keep focusing on myself. It's not easy at all. It takes so much discipline to stay to myself.

Focusing on myself is so so hard. It's hard not reaching out and checking on others. It's hard to not always answer the phone on the first ring. It's hard not responding. I have to remember it's a day-by-day thing and everyday is a new chance to get it right. I can always get back up and try again. Life is so humiliating and it takes hard work to get to where you want to be. But I'm trying soo hard and I even started back chanting.