Having Low Self Esteem

Having low self esteem affects every area of my life from friendships, romantic relationships, and parental relationships. I really believe my self esteem issues stem from my parents. I was always a bother to my parents. I was never good enough. I was always pushed around, hit, and told I was ugly by my mother when I was just 6 years old. Those are words I will never forget. Moments that won't leave my mind. Ever. My dad would never tell me I was pretty. When I called CPS on my parents, I was told that they only handle 'serious' cases despite my dad sneaking into my room almost every night to touch me and my mom beating us until we had black eyes.In so many ways, I was taught to take it. In so many ways, I was taught that I deserved that treatment. In more ways than one, I was taught that I'd never amount to anything. When I get down, I remember those hard times and it makes me sink into a lower depression. Even though people say they understand me, they don't. Because it was never them, so how could you understand my pain? How could you understand not feeling good enough when your parents loved you and wanted the best for you? Your dad didn't molest you for 10+ years. Your dad didn't tell you to kill yourself. But mine did. So how could you understand? Like I said, most people just don't get it. They never had to. In most of my friendships/relationships, I've been mistreated. Talked to any type of way, had my face held over boiling hot dog water, threatened to be killed and beat up, taken advantage of, lied to.. All types of things. I go to therapy but it honestly makes it worse. Nobody seems to get it. You can't just "get over those things" without proper validation, support, allyship, inclusiveness, and grace. Every victim of abuse deserves excessive grace. Why? Because it's simply not their fault. You can say what you want about an abuse victim, trust me, I've heard it all. "Why didn't you just leave?" "Why didn't you call the police?" "Why didn't you tell someone?" "You want to be abused" "You like being touched by your dad" "It's your fault" "Everything is your fault" Despite what I hear about myself and other victims, I truly believe that every victim deserves the most upmost respect and grace. How is it someone else's fault for being mistreated? I truly don't get that. As I work with victims of domestic abuse, I see myself in them so bad. I will never forget the people that have hurt me and mistreated me. I don't wish bad on anybody, but I wish to find people that have that grace to them when it comes to how they treat people. That grace is not taught. It is a God-given gift to know when someone doesn't deserve that. To know your boundaries on how to treat others and how to hold your tongue. The things that have been said to me, I've never even thought to say to someone. Because I don't have those words in my spirit. As I grow into an older women, I pray that those people that hold themselves to higher standards when it comes to how they treat others cross my path more often than not. I pray that every domestic violence victim gets the support that they need and deserve so they don't fall into that trap again. That's how I felt in my relationships. Trapped in hell. Trapped in gaslighting. Trapped with a demon/devil. It's the worst feeling ever to feel like you're in prison and you can't get away.