I Want To Write Another Book

I want to write another book so so bad. So much has happened since I last published in 2018, I have so much to say and talk about. Although, I do feel like my writing skills could take some more work. I'm inspired by the book that I'm reading by Lucinda Williams. She talks about how she didn't break out until she was in her 40s and that gave me some hope. Some days I feel like I don't have a chance anymore in this world because I'm getting older and "Who would care about what I have to say anyways?"I get so surprised when anyone reads my blog. I never thought anyone would ever read my blog, if we're being honest. I remember when I was writing my book and I couldn't pay anyone to read my poetry. I couldn't pay anyone to care about what I had to say in any capacity. So, I still feel it's unreal that anyone reads this blog. I didn't think anyone would find it. But thousands of people have read and seen it so far. It makes me want to cry. The reaction of people when they read my book was overwhelming. I've never really had anyone that cared about my work. Couldn't find a book deal to save my life. I know I'm a good writer and I want to keep working on my craft. I've always wanted to be a writer. I could sit at home and write all day when I'm feeling well enough. Now my poetry... Is not the same from when I was 15-17 years old. What I think that really propelled my work at that time was getting raped by my ex boyfriend and his friends and never telling anyone. Something about keeping that to myself and crying on my own made me the writer I was during those days. I do not advise rape survivors to keep their trauma to themselves. I want every survivor to get the justice that they so deserve and get all the help that they need. Although, in my situation, it was different for me. I felt like if I told someone the shame and humiliation that I felt would drive me to suicide. I couldn't tell my mother. Never. I felt like I was a big girl and could handle it on my own. And in so many ways, I did. In my own way, I did. I did the best that I could do in that situation. Some days I still think back to that situation. How I was 15 years old and they called me a hoe and a slut because they raped me. I was so scared to go home, I didnt want anyone to ever know that something like that happened to me. It made me feel so weak inside, like I was nothing. Like I would never be nothing. Never amount to nothing. Never matter to anyone. So many emotions that I felt as a 15 year old. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and I kept that secret so close to my heart. I vowed to never tell anyone ever in my whole life. I am the best at keeping secrets. So when I wrote a book about it.. I truly thought nobody would even care. They'd think I was a liar anyways. They'd think all these negative things that would break me even more. So, imagine my surprise when people believed me. They knew my biggest secret in the world and it took so much courage to put it out there and face the world on my own. Life can be so unexpected at times.