Everything hurts today.

I'm in a lot of pain today, but I'm doing the best that I can. February 27th is the anniversary of my brother's passing and that day is always a downer. I usually am in the psych ward by now, but I've been fighting myself to not go. I hate the psych ward. I hate how they treat their patients, I hate the food, I hate the pillows... I do not like that place. I do want to go to the hospital to get help, but they never help me. Everyday I'm learning how to survive, how to self soothe, and how to be ok with everything that's happened. Identifying my brother with a gun shot wound in his head made me want to give up on life. It made me sad. It made me sick. That, upon many other situations, made me want to give up on life entirely. Despite everything, I've been trying my best in school. I've been cooking and saving money. I've been taking care of myself. I do get sad sometimes because I feel like my real friends are few and far between but that's ok! I appreciate the ones that are still here and still check on me.