Update
So I'm really really really excited to get my Columbia ID. When I get it, that's probably when I'll post on instagram to give an update on my life and why I haven't really been posting. So far, my schizophrenia and bipolar disorder is pretty much under control. My meds vraylar, setraline, and prosazin have been much help. The dosage increase was a big help from my psychiatrist. The thing with mental health, especially as a black woman, you have to constantly advocate for yourself and stand up for your well being. Actually, it's in every area of life. But, within the mental health realm, it is not easy to get the help that you need when you're a black woman. You have so much stigma against you. Looking throughout the history of just healthcare in general, black women (slaves) were used for tests and experiments without anesthesia because it was believed that "black women can tolerate more pain". That's how I feel I was treated my whole life. Due to the way that I look, I've been told that "my life isn't that bad" and "I've got it good" despite being a victim of incest and 15+ years of rape and child molestation. But because of the way I was created, it is believed that my "life can't be that bad". Nobody's life is perfect. Nobody has it easy. That's why we have to advocate for each other, and especially for those that can't advocate for themselves. In so many ways, looking back, I've done that.
I used to work at a horse farm with a program called Stride Ahead. I worked with special needs children to learn how to ride horses because it makes them feel better. It was such a special experience and I still can't believe that I did it to this day. That opened up a gateway in my heart full of healing and gratefulness. I am so grateful for that experience and I learned so much about my mother and how to be gentle with her after her stroke. I was the one who had to teach my mother how to walk after she had a stroke. When she got out the hospital, she was in a wheelchair. With patience and time, she was able to walk again with my love and care. She tells everyone about it lol. I will never forget that moment with my mother, it means so much to me. I used to cook for her, and she LOVED my cooking. After being sick, for some reason, I don't cook the same like I used to. I used to be a great great cook, but small small I am cooking better. Being sick has changed my life in so many ways. Being in and out of the psych ward for a year was so scary, unpredictable, and just simply an unstable lifestyle for me. I was always the strong one out of my siblings so to have a fall from grace ultimately made me feel so ashamed and humiliated. The honest truth was that I was desperate for a break. I had been telling family and friends that life was too much for me and I needed a break. Some people listened (very few) but most people laughed and mocked me because they felt like my life "wasn't that bad". It still makes me upset that most people felt that I wasn't worthy of a break. The ignorance (from family, friends, and doctors) I received when sharing about how hard my life was while I was battling 6 undiagnosed disabilites contributed alot to my first break. I was not prepared at all for my first schizophrenic break. I was scared out of my mind. I didn't understand what was going on, I didn't know where I was, or what was happening to me. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. As of today, I know who I am and where I'm going which is a big, big step for me. I do still struggle and nowadays I feel it's best that I have a caretaker and someone by my side to watch me because there are some things with my mental health that affects my behaviors, thoughts, and moods and it's just better to have someone to watch me 24/7 so I can stay on top of things and stay far away from the psych ward. My last stay at the psych ward was so bad that I've been on a mission to stay away from that place as best as I can. I've been advocating and helping others through my group therapy through 'United By Wellness'. Even looking back on this blog, I see that I've made so much progress!!!
I used to work at a horse farm with a program called Stride Ahead. I worked with special needs children to learn how to ride horses because it makes them feel better. It was such a special experience and I still can't believe that I did it to this day. That opened up a gateway in my heart full of healing and gratefulness. I am so grateful for that experience and I learned so much about my mother and how to be gentle with her after her stroke. I was the one who had to teach my mother how to walk after she had a stroke. When she got out the hospital, she was in a wheelchair. With patience and time, she was able to walk again with my love and care. She tells everyone about it lol. I will never forget that moment with my mother, it means so much to me. I used to cook for her, and she LOVED my cooking. After being sick, for some reason, I don't cook the same like I used to. I used to be a great great cook, but small small I am cooking better. Being sick has changed my life in so many ways. Being in and out of the psych ward for a year was so scary, unpredictable, and just simply an unstable lifestyle for me. I was always the strong one out of my siblings so to have a fall from grace ultimately made me feel so ashamed and humiliated. The honest truth was that I was desperate for a break. I had been telling family and friends that life was too much for me and I needed a break. Some people listened (very few) but most people laughed and mocked me because they felt like my life "wasn't that bad". It still makes me upset that most people felt that I wasn't worthy of a break. The ignorance (from family, friends, and doctors) I received when sharing about how hard my life was while I was battling 6 undiagnosed disabilites contributed alot to my first break. I was not prepared at all for my first schizophrenic break. I was scared out of my mind. I didn't understand what was going on, I didn't know where I was, or what was happening to me. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. As of today, I know who I am and where I'm going which is a big, big step for me. I do still struggle and nowadays I feel it's best that I have a caretaker and someone by my side to watch me because there are some things with my mental health that affects my behaviors, thoughts, and moods and it's just better to have someone to watch me 24/7 so I can stay on top of things and stay far away from the psych ward. My last stay at the psych ward was so bad that I've been on a mission to stay away from that place as best as I can. I've been advocating and helping others through my group therapy through 'United By Wellness'. Even looking back on this blog, I see that I've made so much progress!!!
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