I hate my poetry #1

“Pretty”
They think pretty don’t know no pain
Drowned in criticism of everything they say
They think pretty don’t know no pain



It hurts being pretty
They think pretty don’t know no pain
It hurts being told who you are before you even open your own mouth and have anything to say



They think pretty don’t know no pain



You wish they knew the real you
But knowing they’d never care enough to try
Because they think pretty don’t know no pain



They think you’re lucky
They think pretty don’t know no pain
They can’t imagine you worked hard for all you have
They think pretty don’t know no pain
They think you don’t know about the cold, winter nights because your heat is always turned off
They think pretty don’t know no pain
They think you don’t deserve all you acquired
They think pretty don’t know no pain
They think you can’t fight
They think pretty don’t know no pain
They think your looks are what got you where you are
They think pretty don’t know no pain
You learn to live life on the safe side as to not make yourself a target
They think pretty don’t know no pain
You’re beautiful as the sky, but you put everyone before you
They think pretty don’t know no pain
You’ll never get anywhere pleasing everyone else but you
But they think pretty don’t know no pain
You learn to be numb and not feel anything hurtful anymore because you’re not allowed to feel pain
They think pretty don’t know no pain



You wish they knew about all the pain….
But they think pretty don’t know no pain



So you start cutting again
You hide the pain…..
Why?
Because they think pretty don’t know no pain



But they don’t know about the permanent scars and wounds from your father when he’d hold you down and hit you
But they don’t know that the same heroin-addicted father stole all your mother’s money during the divorce and left you with $10 worth of quarters
But they don’t know your ex tried to boil your face in water when you tried to leave
But they don’t know you… they don’t know
They think pretty don’t know pain but that’s all you know
All your life you’ve been in pain
All your life you’ve been surrounded by turmoil
All your life you’ve had to put your heart in everything you do because you have nothing
But still, they think pretty don’t know no pain?
But they don’t know that you’ve thought of leaving this world to show that pretty knows pain



Pretty knows…
If nobody knows, pretty knows



Pretty hurts and it hurts bad
Had my First rape kit at age 5 but…
They think pretty don’t know no pain
Pretty cries herself to sleep every night
Pretty hides from everyone because she’s scared everyone will hurt her



“You think you’re better than everyone”
They think pretty don’t know no pain



Pretty lives in fear
Pretty is sensitive
Pretty is fragile
Pretty isn’t stable
Pretty isn’t good enough
Pretty isn’t smart enough
Pretty is what they say pretty is
Pretty wasn’t good enough for mommy and daddy



But….. they think pretty doesn’t know no pain