Sadié Sidney

Bling is a good book so far! It reminds me of Sista Soulja in so many ways. I think 'The Coldest Winter Ever' was set in New York too but I could be wrong. But yes, Bling is set in New York... I'm just trying to get into the juicy stuff honestly! So far I'm on page 160 out of 500 pages. I really want to finish this book so bad. I think the Elizabeth Taylor book that I read was 500 pages and it took me a bit of awhile to finish, but I loved it. I admire women so much. They are so powerful, mysterious, and posed. I aspire to be just like my grandma in that way.

Ok! So I'm making profit, but my account isn't growing as fast as I'd like it to. My goal was to make $100/day and the closest I'm getting to that is $70/day which isn't quite my goal (I know I sound anal). My account is still very small but I'm trying to grow it to atleast 20,000 by June (which I know is very very possible). They put me on some medicine that helps with nightmares, but I'm still having nightmares. I honestly want to switch psychiatrists, but my psychiatrist is the best psychiatrist in the area which is frustrating alone. I'm a bit frustrated in life because I'm trying to do 1,000,000 things at one time, but I'm doing the best I can honestly. And that's all I can do.

I had my coding class today and I was very happy. Coding is almost like organizing to me and I love to organize and clean, so it's a great choice for me. NYU had some internships at the UN which I thought was so cool. I cannot wait to attend an Africana studies class, it will be so nice and fulfilling for me. I would love it!!!!

I think I started chanting nam myoho renge kyo about 60 days ago and watching The Secret everyday for roughly 30 days. My life and attitude has changed so much... I feel so much lighter, happier, peaceful, and kind. I have everybody I need in my life, and in such a short time I've had many revelations that made me appreciate life more. The people closest to me know that I struggle with s*icidal thoughts and majority of those thoughts have completely vanished leaving me with a spotless and clear mind. As of today, things are getting better and I have much to look forward to.

I have to thank God/Allah for everything he's done in my life.