Sadié Sidney

I haven't really updated anyone or my blog about my book/author journey, but I'm starting to write today. Actually, I have already started to write the alleged title(s) of my new book some time back. I have been asked about my upcoming book after my debut as an author in 2018 for many years (mostly by one or two person(s) honestly). "If Only My Eyes Could Speak" is a beautiful book. A sweet debut to my literary journey and I'm grateful for my first book. I believe some of the poems in that book were written when I was 12-13 years old, which means the publication of my debut novel took about 5-6 years. It is a small book, but it remains so mighty. My first love. Writing has always been my first love and it means so much to me. It is how I express myself. It is how I speak as I struggle with diagnosed autism and partial nonverbalism/mutism. I am really anxious to speak on the titles of my new book, as I kept the first title and publication a secret to the world unti...

I'm slowly falling in love with this book named 'Silence is my Mother Tongue' about a brother and sister living in a refugee camp from a war in Sudan.

I need to do something with my hair and that kankelong immediately

My favorite foods since I was a little girl are mac and cheese, vanilla birthday cake, and now avocado toast.

I remember seeing this book at my local library and being so intrigued by the cover. I didn't know who Sinead was at all, I honestly don't even think I ever even heard of her at the time. Reading this book really changed my life and I fell in love with her story, her grit, and her tenacity. I was amazed. What really moved me is that Sinead actually passed away while I read her book :(. That was something that shook me. And honestly, if I never would've picked her book up, the news wouldn't have moved me because I didn't know who she was at all. But no, her book changed my life and then she was gone. I was devastated, to say the least. Her story inspired me and then it ended abruptly. Sad wasn't the word. I became demotivated. I fall in love with books and I hold such a respect to the authors who write them. They are the building bricks of this world. The building bricks of my world especially.

I remember listening to "Treat Me Like Somebody" and feeling so understood and loved as a teenager. Love me some Tink fr. I've been having this song on repeat all day. And recently I've decided that I'm going to write another book, hopefully before the end of this year. I'm not rushing but I'm super excited to write. I'm going to write and write and write. I just pray that at least one person in the world completes the book.

I am still heavily recovering from my ex (2015-2018) in Atlanta. I met him when I was around 15-16 and I went through so much because of him. There was sexual, physical, and financial abuse that was tremendously in place in that "relationship". First of all, there is no way that a 15 year old can consent to a relationship with someone of his age (he was 19 or 20 when we met). He slut shamed me every day calling me a bitch or a hoe. He told me that I was the devil in his life and that I was the reason he got kicked out of school. Every bad thing that happened in his life.. my fault. I look back at that age in my life with tears in my eyes seriously. It's so hurtful and demeaning the things that happened to me at that time. I stayed in contact with his family and decided recently to move on from ever speaking to his family again. I feel like they will never understand the pain that I went through and they would probably blame me for the abuse, considering I have no idea why...

What type of woman am I to love the suspected murderer of my twin? Who am I? What am I? Most days I do not feel strong. I feel like I'll never be worth anything to anyone most days. The undeniable reality is that I love my father despite. I love my father more than I love my mother. It is in my nature to love the man that referred to me as "daddy's little girl". After going through my own mental battles, there is a level of grace that I have given to my father. When I go to the psych ward and I'm housed with felons, my mind graces over the undying love and care I have for my father. I can't but help to forgive him for his wrongdoings and I hate that at times. At times, I remember the ways that me and my dad bonded. The innocent love that a father and a daughter share in the delicate moments that they share. Those moments I hold so dear to me. I will never let them go. They will always be so close to my heart. I understand his addiction to heroin and how th...

I am officially done with this semester! It was not an easy semester, despite the fact that I only took two classes. One of my teachers, I felt, made an inappropriate means of contact with me on the day that my twin brother was murdered. My male teacher called me from his wife's caller ID to "speak to me" and set a private meeting. It triggered so much in me and I ultimately had to report him. That was really trying. Of course I am thinking of my favorite person... Sidney. I realized that the cruel ways that people treated me during his death forced me to hide how I really felt. I hid my grief, my pain, and the genuity of the immense pain I was in. The reality of the situation is that I will miss my brother Sidney until my last breath. I still cry for him everyday. I miss him. I miss his smile. I miss his care. I miss my twin. My best friend. I have nothing without my brother. I have no one. That is the honest to God truth and it is ok to admit that. Recently, I changed ...

My grandma was my rock, my shield, and my foundation. One thing that I know about my grandma is that when you call, she answers. When you need her, she comes. I am so grateful for her presence in my life and I miss her dearly as I march through this life. Sidney is definitely my grandmother's grandchild as they held the same attributes and character. When you called Sidney, he answered. When you needed him, he came. To this day, I do not have anybody in this life that is as reliable and has a steady character the way those two did. They were strong as a rock.. My rock. They died only a few months between each other with my grandma dying December 2018 and Sidney passing February 2019. He was a baby and so was I. I was young when I got closer to my grandma, before she got sick with dementia in my teenage years. In saying this, she could only share with me age-appropriate stories and history as not to scare me as a child. But she shared the story of my great grandma that has always mo...

I'm so honored that all these places are reading my blog. It truly is an honor and a priviledge. I can never stop talking about how I was the only one reading my blog for the first few years with very little support. I am so grateful and blessed that anybody would be interested in anything I have to say. This is my personal space and I have always felt like in my life I have remained unheard but forcibly touched. I have remained ignored but mishandled. I have remained mocked but copied. So I'm so happy today and I pray it continues to grow.