Woke Up Early This Morning To Pray/Anhedonia

I've been struggling alot with my faith because I've been depressed and just have had alot on my mind. It's been hard for me to wake up early and go to sleep before like 3 am. But today was so different.. I woke up really early and decided to pray. I've been meaning to pray but Idk.. I just didn't know what to say and how to say it. There's times that I feel like God/Allah has forgotten me. He's left me alone... But he's caught me when I've fallen so many times. There's been so many miracles within my life that I can't count them. When I lost Sidney, I felt like my world was crashing down. I lost everything. I'm still trying to (to this day) regain my strength and everything that was lost. I remember the day that I lost him, I tried to bargain with God (silly me). If you bring Sidney back, I'll do this.. I'll never do this... So, when we lost him, I was angry at God. How could you take an innocent person from us? How could you ever do something like this? I was beyond heartbroken. I didn't eat or sleep for awhile because I felt selfish to. How can I eat or sleep when my favorite person is gone? It was impossible for me to enjoy anything. As of today, I still officially have heavy symptoms of Anhedonia as my disability doctor told me. Despite this, I still try to enjoy the little things. I'm going to try and take a walk today (if I can) and just enjoy what I do have. Even though it feels like it's not much after everything's that happened, it's still something. I'm still here.