The Ultimatum

I'm watching The Ultimatum Queer Love and it's so so intense. The episodes are like an hour long so I'm watching them in parts, day by day. I actually just called off an engagement not too long ago, so I really don't know if this would be triggering to me. Not sure. I know when we were working on our engagement, my feet were so cold. Frozen. I felt like I deserved 'more'. What that more is.. I'm not sure what it looks like or how it will arrive. I just had a bad bad feeling and it pushed me to get out of there and go NC. It just wasn't 'right'. Something was telling me no, there's more out there. It sucks when you want to marry someone and they don't feel the same. Or when you want to be with someone and all they want is sex. Such an intricate and complex situation to be apart of with emotions all over the place. I don't think I've wanted to marry someone and they did not want that, I'm always the receiving end of that one. But people defintely lie and manipulate me to get into my pocketbook and I think it's sick because I'm disabled. It's not only dishonest, it's downright cruel. But there's truly not alot of advocacy for the disabled (whether physically, mentally,etc) especially in the dating world. It's just not, people could care less. I don't believe anyone should show interest in a disabled person if they are not emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually equipped to handle such relations (even if it's just intimacy). But that's my opinion as I'm constantly aggravated by the inept attitudes and actions that people have towards the disabled.