Right now I'm eating spaghetti that I made (lol). I used impossible meat and it tastes pretty good, I froze it then I reheated it today in the microwave. Ever since I had a schizophrenic episode around 2021, my taste buds and sense of smell have remained completely off which makes cooking a bit difficult sometimes. But I still try my best to cook as much as I can while incorporating vegetables and fruits. Yesterday I officially completed all the work for the fall 2025 at Lehman. I was so anxious this semester and I actually took a big break from working around February-October to focus on school. I am gearing up to leave for the UK on January 9th, 2026 and I'm very anxious about it. It will be my first time abroad ever as I just finished the registration for my school. I will be keeping my apartment here in America while also paying for care for my cat and that gives me a lot of anxiety and stress, but I try my best to pray about it and not worry too much. Since I am leaving in less than a month, everything causes anxiety attacks. My NJ ID was expiring in March and I ordered another ID online and became sooo anxious about it coming in the mail. I was scared it wouldn't come, but thankfully it came and my fears were rest assured. I do not know what the future holds for me at this point and that's what really scares me. When I was younger, by 25, I thought that I would have a family, a caring husband, and at least touching my first million. Now that I am 25, sometimes I feel myself becoming disappointed within myself. For not having the million dollar home, the faithful husband, and a career that I love.. But I tell myself every day that I am trying and I WILL get there, God willing. The first step, I believe, is being gentle with myself and reminding myself that I am doing the best I can. Sometimes I don't see that and get really hard on myself. I feel like I'll never get there and the way that people treat me and talk to me can bring me down. As of lately, I just been praying for better people in my life. People that care and can support me in the ways that I need. Right now, I don't have anyone. At all. It is just me and that is ok, but I do miss my brother and my grandma dearly. In many moments, I felt like they were all I had and that remains true.
Comments
Post a Comment