Healing is time consuming

I haven't been able to write in my blog and answer my phone as much as I'd like. I now understand people that never answer their phone, healing and loving oneself is sooo time consuming. Cooking, cleaning, reading, and finding ways to love myself, my life, and how I exist is so time consuming. Finding what I like vs what others tell me what to like. Finding things I like about myself vs what others told me to hate. Finding peace vs being convinced that a life of chaos is the only way to exist. I am completely exhausted and the semester starts tomorrow.... We are reading the Willie Lynch Letter, which this will be around my third or fourth time reading it. I didn't think my divorce would be so hurtful and take up this much healing time, all things considered. There were so many things 'abnormal' about my marriage that my ex husband and his family tried to force me to conform to and adhere to that just really didn't sit right in my spirit. In any argument, my ex husband would say "I'm the only person who loves you" and my brain would wire itself to believe that was true. My ex husband is the only one who cared about my birthday. My ex husband is the only one who understood me in some ways. Those things I will admit. The chaos that ensued daily in my marriage was not worth staying. The excessive cheating, the lying, the anger management issues, the stalking that lead to a restraining order and multiple cases, the constant disdain and disrespect from my hateful, cruel mother-in-law, hitting me when I didn't want to do things against my own will and freedom of mind... I did not feel I, or anyone else, deserved those things. The inhumanity I faced in my marriage crushed me to pieces. It took me 1+ years to come to the conclusion that if he is the only person to ever love me, I am ok with the fact to lose that person. It took me even longer to realize that the love that I have for myself is enough and more. I do not need anyone to love me. I do not need anyone to do something for me that I already know to do. Healing from divorce is extremely frustrating at times. I will never regret my marriage, I learned so much. The pain and the heartache have changed the shape of who I am. Many of the frustration has stemmed from the fact that I have to heal without a real acknowledgement of what I endured in my marriage from people that I once considered family. I have to heal knowing that these people do not see me as their equal: a human being with feelings, a future, a heart, a mind of my own, someone to be accepted and appreciated. It is extremely heartbreaking to try to explain to someone that the things they have done, said, or raised their hand to is quite inadequate to practice... and they don't get or acknowledge the humanity you deserve. I am trying my best, but there's so many roadblocks to this healing journey.