I felt so unloved in my marriage and I couldn't believe how my ex husband was treating me at the time. It has taken time to forgive him, his mother, and his family as I felt they all mistreated me to a certain aspect as the "American girl" in a Nigerian marriage. Reading this book by Faith Jenkins was so helpful and helped alot to dive deeper into my forgiveness. I wanted to make it clear to my ex husband that we are NOT friends. He was not a good friend to me during our marriage. I sheepishly have to admit that I absolutely was not ready to get married to my ex husband. There should've been an intervention in place before the marriage took place, but it's ok. Life happens. I was not prepared to find out less than two months into the marriage that my husband was engaging in sexual conversations with a minor. I was devastated. I am not bitter at my marriage, I am thankful for the experience. I am thankful for the learning experience. I am a grown woman now. I am not a little girl anymore. Filing for divorce was one of the scariest experiences I ever had to do. I literally thought I was going to go to jail lol. Divorce is not a joke. It is heartbreaking and tormenting to the heart. I had no other choice but to be strong. When my ex husband left my apartment, I had $12 in my bank account. Life was not easy, but I grew up. Like I said, I'm a grown woman now. I know what I want. I know I never want to have another bad friend in my life nor do I want to marry one. Before I get married again, there will be counseling in place before the engagement, during the engagement, and during the marriage. There will be guidance from counselors and community leaders that I/we look up to. Marriage is hard. My marriage was harder than my mircrobiology program at Princeton. I was soo hurt. Growing up as a precious little girl, I would be so heartbroken to know that my first husband wasn't even really attracted to me. He was more attracted to kids. I would cry my heart out. But I'm not that precious little girl anymore, we grown now and I can handle the truth of what happened. My soul was crushed during my divorce, I felt like a flimsy failure. I was embarrassed too of what people would think of a 22 year old going through a divorce. Alot of things happened in my marriage that I will probably never speak on again as I don't need to. I survived and that's what matters. I always survive. That's my power.
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