This Song Has Been So Heavy on My Heart

I love this song so much.. It does remind me of my previous marriage in some ways. Also, one of my longer, previous relationships. We had secrets. We had things that we didn't tell anybody else. Things that I would never tell anyone else ever. I want to get married again, in all vulnerability. Someone I can share my deepest, darkest secrets with. But I know I am not ready yet because I am really busy with my healing, school, and learning more about the word of God. I am not ready to get married again. I was even engaged after my divorce, but I ultimately had to call it off. I was engaged to the same person twice. I called it off twice because the way he would talk to me about my body. He would call me out about my weight and my eating habits, but I don't/didn't even have control over my weight because of my schizophrenic meds. I am vegan right now but it takes time for me to lose weight and I didn't need a man bullying me over my weight. It's hurtful, it's mean, and I ended it off. I still think of this person, I'm not going to lie, but do I want to be with this person? No I do not. I do not want to marry someone who bullies me about something I cannot even control. My weight. I have lost 50+ pounds thus far, but that's from my own doing and it's so hard. I was thinking of when I had a baby and if I gained weight. Would he lose his attraction to me? Would he bully me? Yes, I called everything off twice. The divorce was hard. The calling off of engagements was hard. Life is just hard in general and then you add the particulars. I am 26 years old, but I would like to get married a bit later. I want to get my doctorate in Africana, become a foster mom, and accomplish a few things. I am a busy woman and I don't want to waste anyone's time either. Life gets so interesting and then you add dating and marriage and it gets so much more interesting. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love forgives all offenses.