Emotional Past Few Days

I am officially done with this semester! It was not an easy semester, despite the fact that I only took two classes. One of my teachers, I felt, made an inappropriate means of contact with me on the day that my twin brother was murdered. My male teacher called me from his wife's caller ID to "speak to me" and set a private meeting. It triggered so much in me and I ultimately had to report him. That was really trying.

Of course I am thinking of my favorite person... Sidney. I realized that the cruel ways that people treated me during his death forced me to hide how I really felt. I hid my grief, my pain, and the genuity of the immense pain I was in. The reality of the situation is that I will miss my brother Sidney until my last breath. I still cry for him everyday. I miss him. I miss his smile. I miss his care. I miss my twin. My best friend. I have nothing without my brother. I have no one. That is the honest to God truth and it is ok to admit that. Recently, I changed my number and I'm thinking of moving away to get away from everyone. I do not want anyone having my number or my address, I want to fully recover from my Grandma Sadie and my twin brother Sidney's passing. I never even got to properly grieve or receieve any support or help. I suffered. I cried. I cut myself. I hit myself. I harmed myself. I wanted to die a slow death. A painful death for the world to see the pain that I truly feel. Nobody gave a fuck and that's the fucking truth. People walked away. People turned their cheeks. People laughed. People mocked. People talked shit. I never got to rest. I never got a real hug, a warm meal, or words of care. No, I fucking suffered slowly, painfully, and tremendously while being called the "crazy girl". The girl/woman with the "mental issues"... When in reality, I was in pain. I was hurt. I was scared. I was left to my own devices and I have forgiven the opposed, but will I forget? Never will I ever. I have decided to live this journey called life on my own. I want to be left alone.