So Many Emotions

While writing this memoir, there were so many emotions present. I was especially emotional at the beginning because there were things that I wrote that I never told anyone. I always have kept alot of things to myself with ongoing thoughts that nobody would understand. And the truth is, they don't understand. They judge. They laugh. They mock. But I have always knew that one day I would share my story and I would be overly grateful if just one person finishes my book. That would mean the world to me. Growing up, nobody cared about my story or about what Sidney and I went through at home. I was called a liar, spoiled brat, and many other things. I learned to shut my mouth and take things that a child should never have to take. There were some parts in the book that made me cry. I felt like that little girl again getting hit by her parents and molested by a father who could care less about her. Those moments were some of the darkest moments in my life. In this life, I have truly tried my best despite what people have said and done to me. I have tried, and I always tell myself that counts for something. I have about ~30 pages left to write. It will be complete around Tuesday night and then I will skim through it over the course of a week and just make sure everything is flowing correctly. My first book was only about ~30 pages, so to write a book over 200 pages is a major accomplishment for me. Nobody can take this away from me. Nobody can say I didn't write this book. I filled every page with the tears I've swallowed. I am so grateful for this blog as I have somewhere safe that I can pour my heart out to and I have had over 20,000 reads so far. I feel emotional just at that fact because I remember nobody was reading my blog at first. I pray for growth. I pray for healing. I pray I have the strength to write more books. I pray I have the strength to keep living. I pray.