Sadié Sidney

What type of woman am I to love the suspected murderer of my twin? Who am I? What am I? Most days I do not feel strong. I feel like I'll never be worth anything to anyone most days. The undeniable reality is that I love my father despite. I love my father more than I love my mother. It is in my nature to love the man that referred to me as "daddy's little girl". After going through my own mental battles, there is a level of grace that I have given to my father. When I go to the psych ward and I'm housed with felons, my mind graces over the undying love and care I have for my father. I can't but help to forgive him for his wrongdoings and I hate that at times. At times, I remember the ways that me and my dad bonded. The innocent love that a father and a daughter share in the delicate moments that they share. Those moments I hold so dear to me. I will never let them go. They will always be so close to my heart. I understand his addiction to heroin and how th...

I am officially done with this semester! It was not an easy semester, despite the fact that I only took two classes. One of my teachers, I felt, made an inappropriate means of contact with me on the day that my twin brother was murdered. My male teacher called me from his wife's caller ID to "speak to me" and set a private meeting. It triggered so much in me and I ultimately had to report him. That was really trying. Of course I am thinking of my favorite person... Sidney. I realized that the cruel ways that people treated me during his death forced me to hide how I really felt. I hid my grief, my pain, and the genuity of the immense pain I was in. The reality of the situation is that I will miss my brother Sidney until my last breath. I still cry for him everyday. I miss him. I miss his smile. I miss his care. I miss my twin. My best friend. I have nothing without my brother. I have no one. That is the honest to God truth and it is ok to admit that. Recently, I changed ...

My grandma was my rock, my shield, and my foundation. One thing that I know about my grandma is that when you call, she answers. When you need her, she comes. I am so grateful for her presence in my life and I miss her dearly as I march through this life. Sidney is definitely my grandmother's grandchild as they held the same attributes and character. When you called Sidney, he answered. When you needed him, he came. To this day, I do not have anybody in this life that is as reliable and has a steady character the way those two did. They were strong as a rock.. My rock. They died only a few months between each other with my grandma dying December 2018 and Sidney passing February 2019. He was a baby and so was I. I was young when I got closer to my grandma, before she got sick with dementia in my teenage years. In saying this, she could only share with me age-appropriate stories and history as not to scare me as a child. But she shared the story of my great grandma that has always mo...

I'm so honored that all these places are reading my blog. It truly is an honor and a priviledge. I can never stop talking about how I was the only one reading my blog for the first few years with very little support. I am so grateful and blessed that anybody would be interested in anything I have to say. This is my personal space and I have always felt like in my life I have remained unheard but forcibly touched. I have remained ignored but mishandled. I have remained mocked but copied. So I'm so happy today and I pray it continues to grow.