Sadié Sidney

I got my nails done today at a spa!!! They made me take pictures lol. They were so sweet. I have four dogs right now and I'm super busy.

I have to switch to baby products because my skin is so sensitive! I've been super super busy with the dogs. Today, I'm getting my nails done and going shopping. This was long overdue as I lost about 100 pounds this year. I went to bereavement yesterday and it was so much. I, surprisngly, talked about my brother and some of the members gave me advice. There were times when the session (the session is an hour) were happy and then there were times when the session was really sad. I will be back next week. I'm excited about going to therapy and trying to return back to a life of ability while living with multiple disabilities. The host of the group said that I'm "fighting for my life" and I agree. I am fighting for a better life and I'm doing the best that I can.

Lately, it's been so hard without Sidney. I think I was in the denial stage for 4+ years and now I'm accepting it... He's not coming back. That makes me so sad. I'm consistently looking for him in everyone and everything I do. Which I don't know if that's healthy. I've been with the dogs all day! I love being with them and feeding them. Taking care of the dogs is so soothing for me. They are so loving and they always like going on walks. Lol that sounds like me! I love going on walks, being rubbed, and I'm so loyal. I had bereavement group today, but I didn't want to leave the dogs so I stayed home. I've been getting alot of rest. The dogs make me so sleepy lol because they are so much work. Dogs are alot of work, patience, and love. But I love them and I'll do anything for them. They make me feel so happy inside. I can be alone with them all day and feel happy. This is my happy place. In my own apartment with the dogs.

The dogs are giving me a purpose! Right now, I have three dogs scheduled today which I'm so happy about. The dogs make me happy, I'm not going to lie. I'm trying to enjoy the simple things about life.

Today I'm cooking oxtail which I'm so so happy about. I'm slow cooking it in the oven. The recipe called for all these interesting spices like all spice and thyme. Well, to me, I think they're interesting because I usually never cook with them. I'm honestly not hungry today. I think I'm internally not feeling well, but I haven't externally picked up on it. If that makes sense. Like me not wanting to eat is a hige sign that my schizophrenia is becoming active, but I'm going to try to eat and I'm going to try to sleep. I've been taking melatonin every night, but today I took a nap with ease. There's this sausage that I buy that makes me sleepy lol. It's called Hot Smoked Sausage (I think it's by Hillshire Farms). THat sausage makes me so so sleepy lol. I just don't want to be eating that sausage every day because I believe it has alot of sodium. Ugh I've just been thinking so much about everything. Having kids is so stressful, a...

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Happy Mother's Day ❤

I got the liquid smoke!!!

I'm so grateful that I'm doing good on my finals! I did study throughout the semester.

I was saving all my refills on pills to hurt myself one day and I just threw away all my old pill bottles. Really making progress with my depression...

i love shallots so much. They keep in the fridge longer than onions and they're cute. But when I cut them, I was actually crying. They're more powerful than onions because I dont cry with onions. If that makes sense. Lately, I've been liking small fruits/veggies.

Missing my pittie baby, Bella

I made smothered turkey wings and they were so good. Please don't judge my gravy. Shoprite didn't have liquid smoke, so I had to sub smoked paprika. I'm sad they didn't have liquid smoke 1. because it would've gave the gravy a nice color 2. I really wanted to taste it. I went to the park today. I've really been praying and reading my bible so much.

she is so strong

Surprisingly, I fell asleep last night! I didn't think I would fall asleep, but I did. I took some melatonin, which I don't like because I don't want to become dependent on it. Although, I went through the same thing last year when I left the psych ward. I could not sleep at all. I think it took 2-3 months for my body to get comfortable at night. So, just for a little bit, I'll be taking melatonin to get some rest. My psychiatrist told me to switch my morning meds to my night meds, so I can sleep better. I ate so much food yesterday, which is not like me. I'm usually never hungry. I'm so happy that I'm eating and sleeping! That means I'm getting better. Today, at 3 pm, I have a dog coming. I'm so excited to have a pet for right now. I miss the dogs when they're not here. For Mother's day, I'm going to the Cheesecake factory with my neighbor. She's so sweet for inviting me. I don't know how she knew I didn't have plans for moth...

 Visiting my in-laws but I’m happy I got a 100 on my final for Intro to Computers <3

 I made a beef teriyaki stir fry that’s so yummy. It made me so full. I’m back to my love of cooking! I’m volunteering at the homeless shelter on Sunday and I’m excited about it <3

 I’m not sleeping so I have to buy melatonin :( This always happens when I get out the hospital, my body is still in fight/flight mode from the things I seen in the psych ward so I don’t rest. Hopefully the melatonin works so I can get a good night’s rest. Today is therapy!

 Staten Island is so pretty!!!!! The last time I was in Staten, I went to the aquarium and it looked broke down and scary. But  THIS time, we were in a nice, quiet neighborhood. It reminds me of Bayonne, but Staten Island has neighborhoods full of nice homes, and Bayonne doesn’t really have it like that. There’s some nice homes here, but it’s not as flourishing as Staten Island by the zoo. It was just beautiful. I went with my husband. My meds are making me soo nice. Usually, I would’ve cussed him out by now and requested a divorce, but I’ve been nice the whole day. I made him a cup of water and I sliced a fresh lemon and put the fresh lemon slice on his cup. That’s so nice of me. I woke up at 6 to clean the house and make breakfast and do some school work. That is so not like me. I NEVER wake up early. This medicine strong as hell. I made potatoes and eggs this morning and for lunch I made cheese burgers. It was so yummy <3 . He never had hamburgers before so when I gave i...

 

 My plants are getting so so big! I’m watching a dog named Milton, I pray he’s not barking while I’m at the psychiatrist. I just need a refill on my meds and maybe an increase in meds because I haven’t been feeling well with my PMDD.