So anxious to go...
I'm saddened that I haven't really been posting in my blog. I think ever since I've been notified that I am leaving the country to study abroad, I have been very anxious. Praying constantly, crying out to God, seeking his face, and begging for his mercy. I am scared. I remember when I moved to NJ, I was anxious and didn't want to go in the end. Although, in the end, I was able to go and set myself free. I have created a life of abundance in New Jersey, it hasn't been easy at all though. Nothing is.. Nobody has it easy. I realized today that my problem is that I'm bored. I was reading about it online in a schizophrenia forum, as I do have an official diagnosis of anhedonia too. Sometimes because I'm bored, I will make bad decisions and mistakes and then deeply regret them. I will put myself around people or in situations that I know I shouldn't be in. I can see this happening in my life many times and I am definitely trying to break that pattern. What rea...