Sadié Sidney

This book is already withdrawn from the library so I may have to buy it and add to my personal collection. It is a wonderful memoir from a man who suffered a severe stroke and wrote the book entirely by blinking his left eye.

I finished this book tonight and I looked up the author and she is so so inspiring. I want to write, I want to be successful, I want to strive. Black women are so inspiring ❤

"I am not African because I was born in Africa but because Africa was born in me"

I haven't been able to write in my blog and answer my phone as much as I'd like. I now understand people that never answer their phone, healing and loving oneself is sooo time consuming. Cooking, cleaning, reading, and finding ways to love myself, my life, and how I exist is so time consuming. Finding what I like vs what others tell me what to like. Finding things I like about myself vs what others told me to hate. Finding peace vs being convinced that a life of chaos is the only way to exist. I am completely exhausted and the semester starts tomorrow.... We are reading the Willie Lynch Letter, which this will be around my third or fourth time reading it. I didn't think my divorce would be so hurtful and take up this much healing time, all things considered. There were so many things 'abnormal' about my marriage that my ex husband and his family tried to force me to conform to and adhere to that just really didn't sit right in my spirit. In any argument, my ex h...

she saves my life everyday

still badly need a hair cut

I started using vitamin e on my face and I see a big difference. I also want to start using the oil that I posted here. I have some really dark and deep acne scars (probably from eating too much checkers) and they need healing. Some of them from 6+ months ago have healed but I also want to get to a point where my face is happy. I've been vegan since November and have lost 20 pounds. I love food but I got up to 280 pounds and my face was so unhappy. But it's getting better and it looks brighter everyday.

I forgot to even mention that I am off my meds now. I believe I stopped taking them around October-November. I stopped smoking weed around September I believe. All in 2025. I'm pretty good off my meds, I just can't smoke weed. When I smoke weed, I get really sick. I start hallucinating, getting angry, getting violent, and accusatory. It's so scary. As long as I'm on my meds, I can smoke as much as I want. Now that I am off my meds, I do my best to not smoke, watch what I am eating, watching, and who I am around. I never want to go back to the psych ward ever again in my life. I always come out worse than when I went in. I used to go to church everyday but 2 men from my church were obsessively pursuing me and things were getting weird and uncomfortable for me so I left that specific church. I now go to a church that caters to young people and I go Wednesdays and Sundays. I truly wish I could go to church everyday but I pray and fast frequently which helps alot with my me...

Me and my doctor decided that I won't be going overseas due to the risk of my fragile mental health. At first, I was really sad and disappointed because all of the work I put into this and now I am not going. Despite this fact, I am actually very happy now. I feel like 6 months away from home would've triggered some schizophrenic features and that would've been really scary for me in a new country. I am still learning to be grateful where I am, with what I have, and to take things easy. I am not quite sure what in the world I am in a rush for. I am always rushing. I am always looking forward to tomorrow. I am always so anxious. It's honestly exhausting. Today I pray for the healing of the chains of my anxiety, restlessness, and uneasiness. It's hard for me to even sleep because I am so restless. It's too much for me sometimes. I've also had alot of anxiety while I'm in the kitchen or when I'm cooking because of when my ex tried to boil my face in wa...

I loved this book and gave it away when I was finished. It is so inspiring and left a huge mark on me when I first moved up here to New Jersey. I am in a hard season of my life and I have to remember stories like this that keep me going.

I'm saddened that I haven't really been posting in my blog. I think ever since I've been notified that I am leaving the country to study abroad, I have been very anxious. Praying constantly, crying out to God, seeking his face, and begging for his mercy. I am scared. I remember when I moved to NJ, I was anxious and didn't want to go in the end. Although, in the end, I was able to go and set myself free. I have created a life of abundance in New Jersey, it hasn't been easy at all though. Nothing is.. Nobody has it easy. I realized today that my problem is that I'm bored. I was reading about it online in a schizophrenia forum, as I do have an official diagnosis of anhedonia too. Sometimes because I'm bored, I will make bad decisions and mistakes and then deeply regret them. I will put myself around people or in situations that I know I shouldn't be in. I can see this happening in my life many times and I am definitely trying to break that pattern. What rea...