Sadié Sidney

 Today was the perfect day for me. I worked 6:30 am -4:30 pm and when I got home, I ordered some pizza and watched something with Bexie. She's such a sweetie. The plant that I brought home started growing roots in the water!!! I'm so so happy about that. I couldn't believe it when I saw it. I hope it continues to grow bigger and stronger.

 I love Bexie so much, I couldn't wait to get home from work to see her. I don't want her to leave :( I had alot to say today, but I forgot what it was about. I had so much food today. I had a bacon, egg, cheese, onions, tomatoes, and peppers croissant. It was so good... Then I went back and and got 2 Salmon Lox bagels. I was hungry all day. I feel like I'm always hungry. I started Hellen Keller's book today. It's 600 pages, I'm going to try to finish it soon.

 The shoot was so different... It was very unique. I'm so happy about it! I gotta cut my nails, they keep growing so fast. When I came back home, Bexie was so excited. I haven't seen her since 5 in the morning when I walked her. When the dogs come, I put up the rugs so they won't make a mess on them. But she's such a good girl, I may put the rugs down so she can lay on them and feel comfy against the fuzzy one. Today was a beauty shoot. I love beauty shoots, they finish so easy and they're so quick. They had a stylist on set so I didn't have to bring any clothes which I love. I honestly wear the same clothes everyday because I'm comfortable doing that. I've always worn the same clothes everyday. I changed Bexie's clothes today so now she has on a new outfit. Today was a really good day. My birds of paradise is getting so big, the plant is almost taller than me. It was so big that it was blocking the other plants and stunting their growth. 

 I heard that you can make plant babies from a leaf so I took a leaf from the big plant in front of my job. I can't wait to see it grow!!!! Today, Bexie comes. She's a Labrador/pit bull mix. She doesn't get along with the other dogs so it's just me and her <3 I want to start writing more poetry, but I really don't know what to write about. I've been so angry, sad, upset, depressed, and so many more negative feelings. I want to start writing when I'm closer to being healed. Right now I really don't have much to say. When I wrote my book, that was so many years of poetry and so much pain..... Now I'm moving into a happy beginning of life where I've been forced to start over since the hospitalization. Oh yeah, I'm thinking about going into a nursing program. I've always wanted to be a nurse but I didn't think I was smart enough to do it. I just want a bright future and a great retirement.... Tomorrow is the magazine shoot. I have NO i

 Today was such a better day. I got booked for two photoshoots. One is for a magazine which is so cool. The song attached is so beautiful... It made me feel so much better. Tomorrow a dog named Bexie comes. On Friday, I have the photoshoot for the magazine and on Monday I have the photoshoot with Evelyn. I'm excited..

I went to see 'Where the Crawdads Sing'! It was such a good movie, I cried a few times. That book is one of the greatest books I ever read. I had an audition today for a commercial and I have a photo shoot for Evelyn Freja that my agency booked for me. I sent them in new images from the Bronson photo shoot. Every time I have an off day, I get so anxious and sad and today was one of those days. I always feel like I have to keep working and moving. I do not like sitting around at all. It's so uncomfortable to me. No matter how much I've accomplished.. If I didn't accomplish anything today, then I get so down on myself. I was thinking about increasing my depression medication so I can enjoy my off days. My manager told me that when I was on my other depression medication, it seemed as if I was in a daze. So I'm happy I'm off that medication and I'm on bupropion. It seems like a better option for me. I haven't had the energy to cook at all. I remember wh

 I have been finishing so many books lately... The Man Behind The Man, Happiness Becomes You, and The Buddha In Your Mirror.. all before the week ends. I'm trying to figure out what to read next. I've been obsessed with Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. I've read almost everything there is about it. I've been chanting everyday, twice a day.  I went through my old notebook from when I was 17 and found that it took around 5 months for me to see results. I wish I would've wrote more during that time. Keeping this blog will allow me to look back on my progress. 

The avocado plant is growing so well! It started off as a little seed and now it grew leaves. I got the seed from an avocado that I ate. Right now, I'm drinking Arizona lemonade and listening to classical music. My favorite classical song is Viaggio nel Terrore -L'Achille Lauro. I think it's the opening song for the movie The Notebook. If it's not the opening song, it's pretty close to it. Today, I'm going to try to cook dinner. I'm not in the mood to cook dinner, but I need to get back into it. It's going to be chicken sandwiches, broccoli and cheese, and rice. I'm praying I have the strength to do it because lately I haven't had the strength to cook anything.  

  I was not feeling well, at all.. So I missed so many days to post. I missed one of my vice president meetings because I wasn't feeling well. Lately, I've been feeling so down and stuck in the bed. I've been feeling like I don't want to live anymore and I haven't been cooking at all. Just drinking liquids mostly. Today, I felt a bit better. And even though I didn't feel well, I still chanted. Today I started reading "The Buddha In Your Mirror". It talks about the benefits of chanting and it's origins. Yesterday, I took a nap and I thought that I slept into the next day and panicked. I only napped three hours but it felt like forever. I'm going to go through all of my notebooks and compare notes from when I first began chanting. It took about 5 months for me to see a difference in my life. I got a request to shoot today with a photographer from my agency. Hopefully, I start feeling better and I start cooking again. I have an appointment with my

I started Tina Turner's book today. I already read her autobiography named "My Love Story". I loved it, I didn't want it to end. When it's slow at work, I read the book. I ate pizza again for lunch which is a bad habit of mine. But it's so yummy. I was really craving oatmeal today. The kind where it's like banana and cream/strawberry and cream. I love that kind! Today I have three dogs which is kind of stressful getting them all together to behave. I'm kind of sad to leave them tomorrow while I'm at work. I miss Sidney.....  

Waking up at 4 am is getting easier for me. I take bupropion as soon as I wake up, before I take a shower. Then I shower, get dressed, and walk the dogs. When I come back from work, I immediately take the risperidone. I used to take it before bed but I kept forgetting. It's better that I take it as soon as I walk in the door, it helps me sleep easily. I have been getting a little restless so I put on rain music to help me sleep. I went shopping at Trader Joe's today. I got: -Whole wheat bread slices -Freshly squeezed lemonade -1/2 Gallon of reduced fat milk -100% Mango Fruit juice smoothie  -Butter -Vanilla Bean Scones -Chocolate Chip Muffins -Hummus and pita chips I also got a ready-to-eat chicken and mashed potatoes dinner. I'm so happy that I go grocery shopping now... I used to just eat take out :( because I was so depressed. Now I try to cook healthy meals and ring lunch to work. I don't always succeed, but I try. I really love getting pizza on my break at work. I

  Yesterday I ate at The Madison in Hoboken. It was so yummy! I ordered a steak quesadilla and garlic parmesan wings. It was really good. I'm trying to go out more. Before being medicated, I was scared to even take the trash out. So going out to eat is a big step for me. I am watching two doggies. One's named Bart and the other dog's name is Joy. Soon I'll be taking a break from dog sitting because it makes me tired after work, but I don't know when. I talked about my brother today.. I always talk about him because he stays on my mind so much. Some days I think my dad took his life and some days I think he decided to transition himself. Today, after talking about mental health, I believe he may have transitioned himself. He left a note behind :( I was encouraged to talk about him from reading another blog named Chant For Happiness by Jamie Lee Silver. She talks about how her 22-year old son decided to transition after struggling with schizophrenia. I support her so

  Hi! This is my third time writing this out. I'm creating a blog to document how my journey is while I'm on bupropion and risperidone. I've been on risperidone since February 7th, 2022 as an antipsychotic and I just started bupropion for depression. February 7th is the day that I was admitted to Jersey City Medical Center as I was experiencing psychosis. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced as I was hearing voices, seeing things that weren't there, and I believed there were conspiracies against me. I was a totally different person than I am today. I also started this blog to document my journey of 100 days of chanting nam-myoho-renge-kyo. The last time I chanted my life was so beautiful and it really helped me manifest a lot of things. I'll keep up with my manifestations here. I also wanted to talk about my brother sometimes.. I miss him so much and I still cry out for him like a baby. Im excited for this blog! I want to post everyday and try to incl