Sadié Sidney

I've been watching this series on Netflix called 'Grace and Frankie' and I really like it. They mentioned how amazing of a woman Indira Gandhi is and I watched her interviews and became enamoured by her grace and charisma. She's the definition of a strong woman. School is going so well, which I'm really ataken back by. I don't know, I was nervous about starting the semester at a new school. I was so used to school at my community college. I found out my GPA was 3.971 and that made me feel better. All these years I've been in school, I've been trying my absolute best. When I was taking a walk around my neighborhood, I saw these two kids on a scooter. They looked like brother and sister, but I could be misplacing their relationship. It reminded me of Sidney and Nicole... me and my brother. We used to go everywhere together and do everything with one another. I miss that sometimes and it can be a bit hard to move forward without Sidney. It's hard. It...

I'm reading this book by Marita Golden on colorism, featurism, and how racism has destroyed and dismantled the self esteem of black skin. Upon reading the passage in the page shown above, it really triggered a few memories from my childhood. I was considered light skinned growing up, especially in the winter months. Although I was considered light skinned, I wasn't pretty 'enough' because my male peers claimed I had a "big nose and big lips". I was just a kid... They used to tell me I had DSL (which means dick sucking lips). This was mostly a theme during my elementary school years. How an innocent child can still be sexualized is beyond me, but blacks are constantly sexualized without their consent. My dad always used to get on me about "picking up my bottom lip" and I still have struggles with that until this day. It was ROUGH thinking I was beautiful enough and I couldn't wait until I was the legal age to get plastic surgery to reduce their s...

found these beautiful books on self-healing. I still need to finish the 8 books that I have from the library, but I'm excited about the topic.

Don't despise the day of small beginnings ☀

Today marks a new month. I'm a little anxious because the year is coming to an end and I still haven't met some deadlines/goals that I set at the beginning of the year. To be fair, I'm anxious about everything, at all times. But I do feel a change coming in me and my life... Yesterday I just wanted to write, but I didn't have much to say. I feel the same way today. I want to write but not sure how/what to say. I just got a new therapist because my old therapist was rolling her eyes and being disrespectful during our sessions. She would randomly bring up my ex husband cheating on me which I thought was weird, unnecessary, and triggering. She would also bring up topics that were sensitive and trigger me.. I just didn't see a positive future with her, so I let her go. My new therapist is interesting. She reassures me in many ways, which is good. I still have my guard up though... I like her approach on things, but if she triggers me or says disrespectful things, I'...

School has been taking up my mind and my time and I'm loving it. When I'm not in school, my PTSD (along with my other disabilities) bother me and bring up harmful thoughts. Which is so exchausting. This term I'm taking alot of writing intensive courses that include courses named Frenemies, The Art of the Theatre, Intro to Multilingual Media, and Early Modern Europe. I know today is a holiday, but I'm even doing school work today-which I don't mind.